Gulley Jimson and I used to be best friends, even though he is made-up. Wayward human and color appreciator,he is a main character in Joyce Cary's novel trilogy,one of my favorites. Irish Joyce Cary studied to be a painter, served in the British military and civil service in West Africa (where I grew up). William Blake, intoxicating painting, a complete devotion to color and the creative passion, and a disregard for pennies and those without appetites - how could I not acknowledge these roots?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
What it Means to be part of the Human Race
Think about yourself and what it means to you to be part of the human race. (Sharing, 122)
See your relationships as gifts of love to yourself. See your family as shining spiritual gifts that you have chosen to have with you in this physical world.
Understand that the love within you is yours to give and in giving, you receive. The truth of love is found in the physical action of love. The physical action of love is caring and sharing all that is in your life with another. (122)
Lately I’ve been re-reading Sharing: Self Discovery in Relationships. I began reading this again with a prompt from a friend a few weeks ago. I have the book in a pile on my bed, and often pick it up and read pages at a time, when I feel moved to do so. This time was, as always, a perfect time for my mind, and I have found the energy of the words in the book extremely helpful in balancing my own energy of thinking as I end the day before sleep, or begin the day with coffee, thinking before I begin my “to-do” list. I’ve thought a lot about– what does this mean, “helps me to balance my energy,” why, how, how do I feel as I read, what is the difference it makes to me as I experience the day and interactions of the day. Some days that answer “it helps me to balance my energy” seems exactly enough – a full explanation of all it means and does for and with me, as my mind chooses to read, take in, absorb and heal in those moments of rest and momentum. Other times, I know that answering in more detail gives my mind, and whoever I’m talking with, more of an opening into my experience as I love it, and I feel my way as I talk about it. To me, it is reminiscing in real-time (creating!). As I think about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, I feel I am gathering them up together into a bundle - not so much like a bundle of dirty clothes to carry to the washing machine, but more like a blanket, warmed, that I am gathering around me.
As I feel this delicious feeling of comfort, I reflect upon the value of what I have learned and am learning in my life. This morning as I listened to President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor, and the humility with which she expressed how moved she was by this opportunity and the gratitude she has felt for all of those who have helped and guided her in her life, I thought about my life and the many ways of love and support I’ve experienced. This led me to thinking about how magnificent it is to know that our “spiritual design” is our own built-in guidance system, which is always supported by those we love and who love us, even when we do not necessarily recognize or acknowledge this love.
“Know that you have chosen to live in this life together, to learn and grow together, and that the lesson, the ultimate lesson of creation is unconditional love.” (119)
I listened to the nominee talk about her beginnings in the Bronx projects, the fact that she was diabetic at the age of 8, her father dying when she was 9. She did not dwell on the challenges, but beautifully acknowledged the gifts, the blessings, the guidance throughout, especially that of her mother. I’m not half the woman she is… This nominee has accomplished a great deal in her life of 53-4 years, which is universally acknowledged. She acknowledged beautifully, with such love, the true gifts of the heart, and the support of achieving any dream.
My parents supported us in this way. During the weekend when I went with Kathy to her granddaughter’s college graduation party, I had the opportunity to interact with her children and other family friends in a beautiful country setting. Driving to the event, I was mesmerized by the beauty of the landscape – the rolling hills, both green and blue-grey in the distance, the vibrant green of leaves close up, the sounds of birds, the sight of hay rolled on fields exquisitely like tapestry, cows resting beneath trees and beside water. The peacefulness of the air (even bug-ridden at times), the soothing energy of the natural sights, the canopies of green, and especially the panorama of clouds, gave me infinite gifts which will linger in my memory forever. All of this enhances my appreciation of what it means to be alive – the giving and receiving as energy.
This morning I read in Sharing:
“As an adult, you now have the opportunity to repeat the drama as a parent of children. You become the primary teacher. You will choose to be or not to be a parent. The choice will be made according to the lesson that you have chosen. You will have alternate plans available to you. In being a parent you will act out the lessons that you have learned thus far in life.
The lessons that you have accepted with understanding will be captured within your unconscious memory and you will focus upon that memory as easily as you will focus upon your conscious memory. If you purposefully return in memory to the positive energies of your life, you will allow yourself to discover your purpose in life. “ (132-133)
When I think about my purpose in life, and I listen to the life accomplishments of others, such as Sonia Sotomayor, I reflect upon my own sense of myself and when I have felt I was productive, pleased with my accomplishments, and when I have felt like a failure, ashamed of what I have or haven’t or could have done (what was worthy of my time and energy, and therefore acceptable to others, too). When I am with others who own beautiful homes, have beautiful families, jobs with great and far-reaching effects, I appreciate these aspects of their life, and I think about my own choices of energy. I think about the absolute value and beauty of who we all are as energy beings, creative and playful in the best ways that we enjoy our creations – whether jobs, children, all relationships. As I gather the energy of myself and my life in moments, like this warm blanket (or cold dip in the swimming pool when the air is warm), I remember what I have absorbed from this book, Sharing: resistance from the intellect and ego occurs as something unpleasant to us, and it is a normal action for our intellect and ego when our spirit and soul are awakening. To consciously create as an energy form is a gift we all share. I’ve lived some wonderful experiences, with my father dying for example, and others I love in various states of energy, and the more I live and learn, the more I love what it means to be alive. It is so exciting to be able to think through the experiences of life and love them as I love the sight and energy feel of a bright orange butterfly that flits in my field of vision. With each “unpleasantness,” the joy in me grows, now. I feel the wonderful stability of maturing, not just in physical age but I mean mostly in my mind coming to know itself, and accepting the energy of love as the ultimate guiding force of my life. I have not had children, or a marriage, yet I have understood so much better what it means for us to have alternate choices, always guiding us in our evolution as consciousness, and how amazing this design of us is. An old friend once said to me, what I miss most is the laughter….. this made me think, because, while I cherished that, too, I also missed the opportunity to more consciously, physically engage in the energy of our lessons, the depth of what we shared, both verbal and nonverbal. This comment made me so conscious of the differences in our personalities, in our ways of relating to ourselves and our lives. The communication was a gift to me in itself, because it clarified this aspect for me and helped me to appreciate both of us and the truth of our friendship more.
“Your ego shuts out the light that allows you clarity of vision into your soul activities and your inner thoughts.“ (123)
To continue to understand sharing, giving and receiving as equal loving spiritual beings at our core, is to truly love. This book is a guide for me always in mapping my own journey – revealing my own map to me, and helping me to navigate the ocean of all interact I have lived and will live each moment as a physical human being. Balancing self creates acknowledgement of each part of us as One energy, consciously interacting – sharing, giving and receiving, being love. This book has helped me to appreciate all relationships, and to more consciously honor and acknowledge all those I create as I live my daily life. The freedom to be love is a gift we give ourselves as we learn to know thyself. Each friend I make and meet is a part of my human family. This is a constant revelation to me. I gather the thoughts and images of it like that warm blanket on a cold day. How amazing it is, and endlessly comforting.
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