Sunday, August 12, 2007

Memories of Our Cellular Design

“Before the advent of worldwide forecasting systems, islanders watched for subtle changes to predict the behavior of weather and wind. They studied the sky and the animals the way a mother might look for the telltale signs that her young child is growing tired and cross.” (7, Wind)

The recent 3-day conference on hidden memories really made me think. I’ve been reading the handout given to participants, and there is no end to the rocks and roots and swirls I am uncovering in this landscape within me. It is strange and yet oh-so-familiar to think about what it means to me to have infinite self-images that pop up, linger, hover, stay, and so much without my really knowing what they meant. Think of it: Just as within me I hold memories of my cellular design, my mind holds memories of mental and emotional energies of lessons that are in their own motion and change. (The roots for our refusal to learn and to change can be found in our belief that we live only one life, which keeps us from recognizing that when we grow and change in each life we can have more fun and balance within our physical lives. – 31)

We don’t have to imagine this, just think about it: We prefer to live in strict accordance to the internal images that we have in relationship to ourselves. There are as many internal images of us as human beings as there are human beings. (32) We can never evolve into our next level of growth until we are willing to change the internal image that we have of ourselves.

Our hidden memories in the mind and cellular memories stored in our physical cellular body. If our thinking mind is functioning through fear, we are not aware of the endless nature of the fractal patterns of energy that we are living as human beings. (4) When we live in fear, we use multiple fractal patterns of our fear to control every aspect of our living human existence. When we learn to live our love with our thinking mind, the fractal patterns of love that we live will change our lives, because it will change our thinking from fear to love. As we learn to love ourselves, we will learn to love others.

Now I know the way this sleight-of-hand “works” – I am juggling, juggling, the way cards fly in the dim light of a small room, then in a larger room, and still larger room, and then the dusty blue and red and yellow lights as in a carnival arena. The man stands straight as a wand, with the energy of him blurry and fading with the flames, bright then blurry. His leg is bent at the knee now, easily balancing, his eyes intensely focused on the movement and rhythm of these cards, the jacks, the balls that float and fly. This is the image of life after life, the many-headed monsters that scare us in the night, the light-hearted fireflies and smiling jesters that turn up, surprise! With fear, the shadows of night leer and loom, and the sounds of night echo like space, cavernous, bottomless and dark; with love, the echoes bounce and fly and ricochet the way light does, bright and bending without breaking bones, splintering only energy.

Where are the children?
They are delighted in the front rows, breaking up rows, crowding because edges could never hold them. Edges are man-made, in the way we have drawn them. The children are transfixed, completely in motion inside, and delightfully themselves, animated by both light and shadow.

The seduction of our sight that is caught by both light and shadow – seeking what flickers and flutters in shadow, to bring it to light – is a key part of this dance. Having spent the week with my family, with the energy of those beautiful “children,” I am reminded of what an infusion of light energy means to any body, any environment, any room, any brain. Early some mornings I read through the words from the 3-day conference, about hidden memories, and as I read different sentences I saw myself in them. I saw my juggling of images of myself as I sought “to be liked,” as I sought to “rule my world,” as I sought to find the path to follow where my feet wouldn’t be constantly wet. I could see the roles and identities like playing cards and how we shuffle them, awkwardly laughing at the ways we bet money and make others guess what cards we hold, how we bluff them, what importance we put in game of interaction.

The simplicity of love in its fractal patterns is also infinite, and more powerful. Think of the uses of rope, and the way someone, some mind, began to think of twisting fibers together to strengthen and lengthen, to make a line. This week my parents were in the hospital, my mother tending to my father, while we were on vacation. My sister-in-law agreed to be with them a few days as we dispersed, and I felt the rope lengthen and strengthen as we thought of them all week and as this choice was made, the first of many in a string of all travel, all support, all change that this ripple makes in our world.

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