Friday, September 24, 2010

Thank You

“Loving yourself is the supreme test of the internal struggle between the ego who wants to control and the Spirit self who wants to be free and loving.” 
Changing the image of self is an act of the Spirit in controlling the ego.       The Joy of Health by Kathy Oddenino

Our fear emotions function within a controlled subjectivity that suppresses the loving emotions and spirit senses.   (from Jan 2002 class handout)

When I began to study Spiritual Philosophy, a light shone into my mind which asked me to openly explore my beliefs and perceptions about what it means to be human, living and learning together as we create human lives. Though I had been taught that we are created equal, I had not yet been taught to consider that our soul is our dual mind and emotions. I did not understand what our Intelligent design of life, the image of our Spirit, was and is. I had not yet begun to understand the reality of energy. When I went to classes and heard Kathy Oddenino say over and over again - the soul is dual in every aspect - I knew that I did not understand what that meant. I could understand and relate to this image in many ways, such as our body has its left and right sides,we are father and mother/male and female, reflections; the day turns to night; the sun gives way to moonlight; and each way I thought of this opened to more aspects to appreciate. Now, I understand better that our male consciousness is our intellect and our loving emotions, and our female consciousness is our mind of wisdom and our loving emotions. My spirit senses create my quality of life!

This duality is the basis of our internal competition as male and female energies. We compete with our past and present life patterns (habits and beliefs) – until we learn to love all that our senses guide us into, and we lessen and change the competition born from the “mutual hostility” (energy) created from our ancient beliefs as we have “made them real” in our physical lives. Monsters under the bed? Ogres under the bridge? Things that go bump in the night? I'm not making this up! We come to know ourselves as a trinity of consciousness, accepting the guidance of wisdom, appreciating the beauty of truth, and savoring the infinity of love. This is our slow spiritual awakening which changes everything.

I feel happy when I feel free to be myself! No jailer can change that, except a belief given the key.  

This is a test of my conscious acceptance of the truth that I “create my own reality,” that I am an eternal energy being, not a mind confined to “mental slavery” or “death” (fear of change). As I think with love, I feel the power of my own energy potential. The change is obvious and absolute and I feel it like a caress and a hug and a smile and the stirring of a voice as big as Pavarotti’s and the cellular joy like fireworks that come from the dance of love.

Last night I listened to a few arias sung by Pavarotti in different stages of his life and career. He and Dame Joan Sutherland dancing in song, their voices instruments controlled with the precision born of passion, practice, patience, and an exuberance of being alive. Maestros indeed, each with their power and precise beliefs about perfection.

Do I tell the truth always? If I did, would I feel a left over anger, the familiar energy field of an old angry man or a worn-out old woman? Or a young angry man with a cause which burns within him and is never fulfilled. Or a woman whose love remains far away, never to be fulfilled in the life she would love to have with her beloved. A soldier. The list goes on and on. The losses we live overshadow loves, until we truly appreciate the absolute love with which we are designed and through which we grow. We grow as a tree grows, toward the sun, or nestled in shade, bearing fruit and blossoms through seasons, seedlings, then dying, the detritus of our life dripping and falling and blowing from us, until the dirt is turned and we roll over and over into new ground and growth.

Now, bear with me as I come into my own. I am learning to love. As I take upon the mantel of my new life, born anew, with the purity of spirit and the wisdom gained through experience, I mature into this human being I came here to be. 

Love acknowledges the wisdom of energy first, always. This is an acknowledgment of the truth that I know myself, and that we are beautiful as a human spiritual design, growing into the perfection as an energy of Spirit consciousness constantly and consciously evolving. The sabotage of the ego is the game which tells us, as some athletes do, I hate losing more than I love winning

The kites which dip and dive in the blue expanse of sky with a background of beach remind me how our mind learns to enjoy its freedom to soar. The sparkles of sunlight on the waves dance.

The grains of sand accumulate into mounds, piles, curves, flat expanse, dotted with bits of shells sometimes still full of color, sometimes molded into new sculptures by time and water and the force of unending waves which eventually washed them to shore.

I love this freedom which reminds me how beautiful my mind is and can be, when not clouded by old memories of what I believed to be absolute and "beyond my control." The best memories show me how we learned, grew, how we grow now, the simple flow of love which is shared in words, smiles, a touch, a gesture, the lilt in a voice, the twinkle in an eye, the heat of sun in an afternoon. 

Challenges of “physical survival” tempt vestiges of these old beliefs out. I feel the flurry of images, as an old woman who works until dark, and in the dim light, slaving for the family and the man who has become her jailer.  I feel the depression of her energy fields. I feel the strength in the man as he wields the physical power he believes in, the way he talks, moves, and blusters through life. This gruff appetite for life is a very low level of enjoying being alive. The freedom of other times, images, lessons appear as the happy call of children who are squealing as they run and play, as the touch of a bearded cheek on mine as I sleep in the dark on a cool September night. Friends are appearing to me in their own happier images, using love to craft new lives. Last week a friend I hadn't seen in over a year came by and we had coffee on the patio late in the morning before going back to work. It was wonderful - to catch up, to soak up the sun and the breeze, to share the moments.

I have felt such wonderful impressions of love as my mind begins to love the purity of patience and exuberance of joy that my Spirit constantly tickles me with. The laughter lives! Love is eternal, and such knowledge is priceless.

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